Euro Pale Lager

Five-Ounce Pours

*** AB InBev misses earnings expectations, “goes flat.” Marketing costs for Lime-A-Rita, which apparently is a real thing, are killing them. [Reuters]

*** Bristol Brewing to release 750ml Belgian-style Dubbel and Tripel. Feel free to send some to me. [equities.com]

*** Bulge bracket beer makers consolidating even more. Don’t worry boomers, your Euro Pale Lagers will stay as watery as ever. [Businessweek]

*** Bloomberg Putin says New York Russian beer taxes could rise again. You know, for the children. [Reuters]

*** Homebrewers can share their beer with friends and family at home, but don’t you fucking dare do it in public. Beer, the new public urination. [CBS Chicago]

Heineken Lager Beer

Beer No. 41 – Heineken Lager Beer

Mad Men taught us that ’60s housewives will buy it. The refrigerator in my dad’s garage tells me that lager-swilling baby boomers will too.

STYLE: Euro Pale Lager

ABV: 5%

LOOK: Bubbly pale yellow with a deliciously creamy head that doesn’t last. I thought I was going to sip a fresh biscuit, but now it’s just a thin meh line.

NOSE: Cereal, a little Rice Krispies and Cheerios. These are distinct, almost robust.

MOUTH: Pour a bowl of cereal, then add some water instead of milk. Let that sit a few minutes. Drain and throw away the cereal. Bottle the “beer.”

Beeradvocate Rating: 65

ratebeer Rating: 7

Hayward Abbey Rating: 68

Peroni Nastro Azzurro

Beer No. 25 – Peroni Nastro Azzuro

Or simply “Peroni,” it’s the most accessible beer I’ve reviewed to date, a distinction fraught with largely well-deserved suspicion.

STYLE: Euro Pale Lager

ABV: 5.1%

LOOK: Translucent yellow, highly carbonated, wafer thin. I can, yeah, see my fingerprints on the other side of the glass. Great for a crime-scene detective, not so great for beer.

NOSE: Soulless bread, a man without a backbone. There’s a note, distinctly off-putting, that I can’t, and maybe won’t, pull.

MOUTH: Carrots, lemon, canned asparagus. That carbonation, it fades – quickly. Leaving only a mouthful of what can charitably be called beer.

Beeradvocate Rating: 65

Hayward Abbey Rating: 61